WATERMELON!

Summer days are the best! Gage tried watermelon for the first time the other day and I can't keep him away from it since! He's especially fond of the rind which is weird but I could see him liking the texture of it. He's getting a summer tan going and he gets cuter and cuter in my eyes with every day that pasts. It's funny the natural "boyness" that comes to Gage. If it is dirty, sticky or smelly he's all over it. I got hassled by a man at the dog park for letting him run around armed with a stick in each hand and while I admit that letting him play with sticks is risky, I can't keep him away from them. I'd rather just keep him as safe as possible while letting him be the most adventurous kid he can. I'd hate to think how I would have turned out if my mom wasn't so great at letting me get into adventures and loving every minute of my life.
The picture of Cody's leg is from when he got kicked by a horse in Idaho. We went up there to help Cody's parents move and to get our baby horses transported to the horse breakers ranch. So while trying to lasso her and get her haltered Cody got kicked and she jumped, not so gracefully, over the fence. The bruises keep traveling and getting darker even now so we're gonna get him in for some x-rays I think. Until then he gets to be my little gimpy who hobbles around.

So disappointing

I think for my own piece of mind I'd feel like my miscarriage will totally be over once I write a little bit about it and just get some feelings out there. I guess I never felt great about the pregnancy since I wasn't feeling super sick like I did with Gage but I just chalked it up to a different pregnancy and different feelings. When I first realized I had started bleeding I instantly knew that I was losing the baby. The internet said that it was really common and then all the confusing thoughts started. Am I really miscarrying? Did I do something to cause it? If only half of the women that bleed miscarry could I be one of those? The tests we inconclusive when we first had them because you need 48 hours to take another blood test and compare the two so I went home hopeful but still really scared. Cody kept helping to keep me optimistic but after another day I had to know and was just tired of playing the "well maybe it'll be ok" game. After spending another night just lying in Cody's arms crying my heart out I asked Heavenly Father if I was losing my baby. The spirit told me SO strongly that I was miscarrying and even though it broke my heart to know that, I at least knew that Heavenly Father knew what was happening and if he knew then it must be a part of some big plan. The next day I took another blood test and by the next day the answer came back that my pregnancy hormone levels were dropping. A sure sign of a miscarriage. Even though Heavenly Father had already told me, it still hurt so bad to get that confirmation. The doctor said that the sack didn't appear to have a fetus in it so either one never grew or it only got a little growth in before it genetically failed somehow. Interesting enough, I was comforted that maybe a baby hadn't died in me but there's no way to tell. I've been busy enough with Gage that I haven't had to think about it much until now and I've been crying for the majority of this blogs writing but I feel like it really is the closure that I'm looking for. It's such a sad thing to have happen but I'm hopeful that the next baby won't take too long to join our family and I'm so thankful for the support and love that Cody showed me through this whole thing. It was terrible to be away from home while this happened but if it had been a week earlier or later, Cody would have been in school and wouldn't have been able to give me his full attention. He's such a strong man and such a wonderful husband. I'm lucky to have him. I just ask that everyone's prayers stay with us and I'm so grateful for all the love I've received from all of you.